Coping with Change: How to Reset When Life Is Constantly Changing
I’ve always heard change is constant. I know it, but it’s still so hard sometimes! So much has changed since I graduated about a month ago. I’m Dr. Kenlie Fite now, which is fun. It hasn’t sunken in yet, which I’ve heard is natural. I’ve worked to accomplish this milestone for so long now, that it feels like something is missing. I no longer have homework or looming dissertation deadlines. I frequently feel like I’m forgetting something, but the truth is, it’s not missing, it’s complete. It’s an incredible feeling every time I realize I’ve completed the goal.
Things have changed in other significant ways, too.
Shifts in my church, after months of discomfort with other things happening there, have led me to feel uncertain about whether I even belong there. I also lost a relationship that was deeply valuable to me even if those feelings weren’t returned. Work is going well. I love what I do, but my heart is weary due to the uncertainty this year has brought for those of us who work in public health. So many things in my life are good. I haven’t stopped being grateful for that, but my heart is also grieving.
It’s hard for me not to put a bow on it and add that God’s good. He is even when people aren’t, and I’m thankful for that because I need so much grace so often. Obviously, he’s good, and at the same time, I think it’s important to be honest when things feel tough.
I know this is just a season and that seasons change. I’m just ready to experience joy again, and until then, here are the steps I’m taking to reset.
Practice the pause. Sometimes change happens so quickly it can leave us feeling like we have whiplash. Pausing long enough to take a breath helps settle our nervous system and gives us time to think. So often, we feel like we need to react immediately, but giving ourselves time to breathe allows us to make rational decisions rather than irrational reactions.
Do a brain dump. Putting all of your thoughts down on paper can be so cathartic because it allows us to get it all out. In addition to that, once it’s all out there for us to see, we can start recognizing themes. As a Christ-follower, I take it a step further by recognizing the themes, and then digging into scripture to put God’s truth on it. And thankfully, God is much more loving, patient, and gracious than we are to ourselves sometimes.
Change your environment. Sometimes we need to interrupt our own thoughts, and we can do that by standing up or going for a quick walk outside. Sunshine is healthy for us, even here in South Louisiana, where it’s hot!
Ask yourself what’s true and helpful right now. Have you ever let your emotions get the best of you? I certainly have. Our feelings are indicators, not dictators. When you ask yourself what’s true and helpful, what you’re really doing is checking in with your emotions. Emotions aren’t bad. In fact, they actually help us understand when to be curious or when we may need to challenge our own thoughts.
Ask for support. When things are hard, tell someone you can trust. Get a mentor or a coach. Go to counseling. I do all of that, and it’s so helpful to walk through tough seasons with people who are in your corner and can help you see your blind spots. Don’t try to go through the hard stuff alone. We were created to be in relationships, so cultivate those if you need to. It’ll be worth your effort.
