The Power of Forgiveness Will Transform Your Life If You Let it

I’m circling back to one of my favorite (yet one of the most challenging) topics today – forgiveness.

I’ve struggled a lot this year with disappointment, anger and hurt from folks in my church and community, and several weeks ago, I recognized I was carrying offense. It started around the last presidential election, and it grew significantly from that point, shading some of the biggest milestones of my life.

I work in public health, and I’ve witnessed lives and livelihoods being destroyed. It would be easy, even now, to validate my feelings of offense. There are some things that need to change, but carrying offense has not changed anything in a positive way. Trust me, I tried most of this year.

When I realized I was carrying offense, I decided to start with myself.

I’d been carrying offense toward people who made decisions that don’t align with my values and toward folks who hurt me (probably unintentionally), and those feelings of offense colored my perspective on everything.

I found it hard to assume good intentions like I normally would, and I found myself being severely critical and judgmental. That’s not who I want to be, and once I realized I was feeling that way, I knew I had to work out those feelings. It started with forgiveness.

And since we’re on the topic of forgiveness, let’s talk about what it really means. One of the biggest misconceptions about forgiveness is that it automatically means reconciliation. Let me assure you – it does not. Forgiveness frees you from the bondage of carrying someone else’s actions around in your heart and mind while reconciliation requires remorse, mutual trust and effort.

If someone shows no remorse or if it’s painful for you to remain in relationship with them, you can absolutely forgive them without letting them back into your space. Boundaries are wise; bitterness is poisonous.

In my most recent case of offense, I was able to look internally and process with my counselor and a few close loved ones. I also started reading “The Bait of Satan” by John Bevere, which is all about carrying and releasing offense. I’m still reading it now and working through offenses I’ve held, but I’m pretty certain it will go down as one of my favorite books ever. I’ll go ahead and recommend it now because it’s been mind-blowing and encouraging so far. Seriously, read it.

Several weeks ago, I began to recognize the pain I felt and the walls I had erected to keep folks from hurting me. The problem with walls is that they keep all the love out, too.

I began to journal about it, forgive them, and take responsibility for assumptions I made. Some of the folks I found myself offended by are not in close relationship with me, but I was able to have difficult and vulnerable conversations with those who were.

When we don’t forgive, we stay captive to the pain and memories caused by someone else’s choices - or our perception of their choices. That captivity eventually becomes anger, and anger left unresolved hardens into bitterness and offense.

Bitterness and offense are toxic—they eat away at your joy, your peace and your relationships.

And since we’re on the topic anyway, here’s another hard truth - forgiveness doesn’t require collaboration. You don’t need the other person to be sorry. And while sometimes it’s helpful, you don’t always need to sit down across from them and say the words, “I forgive you.” Sometimes the people we need to forgive aren’t even alive to apologize. Forgiveness is still possible, because it’s not about them—it’s about you.

Forgiveness begins internally. It’s your choice. By saying—even to yourself - “I forgive and release them,” you’re not excusing their behavior. You’re reclaiming your own power to live freely without being held captive by their choices.

In one of my TV segments on “Great Day Louisiana” last year, I was asked if everything is forgivable.

The hard and unpopular truth is yes - everything is forgivable. That doesn’t mean everything is excusable or acceptable. Some actions are horrific and inexcusable and carry serious, life-altering consequences. Forgiveness isn’t about whether someone deserves it—it’s about whether you choose to live free of the poison of bitterness rather than letting it kill you.

Chris Hodges said, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” When I first heard that over a decade ago, it changed my willingness to forgive.

I often hear people ask, “what if I’m not ready to forgive?” I sincerely appreciate the honesty and vulnerability that comes with that question. My honest response is that it’s a dangerous spot to be in because if we wait until we “feel” ready, we’ll never forgive. Forgiveness is not a feeling, it’s a choice. Your pain is real and valid, and I’ve learned from experience that it doesn’t have to define you. You are so much more than the sum of the painful things that have happened to you.

Forgiveness also takes practice, and it’s an intentional choice. I know not to hold on to bitterness and offense, and it still seeped into my heart. I forgave myself for that, too. I’m not perfect; I’m far from it, so I offered myself grace. Give yourself grace in the process, too. Over time, the weight of unforgiveness will lift, and you’ll feel the freedom that comes from letting go.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened was okay.

It doesn’t mean you have to reconcile.

It doesn’t mean you’re weak. On the contrary it means your brave – brave enough to face the hard stuff long enough to put it in its place, to contend for freedom rather than being bogged down by bitterness or isolated inside the walls that you could easily build instead.

For me, forgiveness doesn’t mean that I suddenly align with folks in my church and community who seem to have forgotten to love their neighbor. It means I no longer need to carry the weight of their decisions, and since I’m not their judge, it’s probably good that I laid that burden down.

I believe truth is vital and that is must be accompanied by love. As a Christ-follower, forgiveness is a requirement, and just to be clear, I couldn’t do it without the Lord’s help. Even if you’re unsure about your faith, it’s important to remember that you’ve probably required forgiveness from someone at some point, too. I certainly have.

Whether in your personal life or in the workplace, forgiveness is a valuable skill. It will change your life. I know that because it changed mine. When I realized I was carrying offense, I started to forgive, and almost immediately started to feel like myself again. I’m still in process, but I feel a renewed sense of joy and hope, and no one can take that from us unless we give it to them.

If you’re ready to let go of bitterness and step into the freedom that forgiveness offers, start today—one choice, one person, one situation at a time. And if you need encouragement to get started, reach out. I’d love to cheer you on!